Did a big deal thing today: went to the doctor. I know, what is so special about that? Well, I'm a big freakin' wuss when it comes to doctors. Like horrible. Think it all goes back to my mom being sent straight from her doctor's office to the ICU for a week due to high blood pressure. Yep, apparently scarred me for life and made me the poster child for white-coat syndrome. My biggest phobia is the blood pressure cuff. Just seeing it, hearing the air wooshing in as the doctor squeezes the little bulb, feeling the tightness around my arm...it's enough to cause full-on panic. But today I did it. And no surprise I have high blood pressure (who'd of thunk a woman who is 5'2", 276 lbs. would have high blood pressure???? Shocking, I know!). She's also upping my dosage of zoloft to see if that helps my anxiety, but she thinks I may be bipolar (FML). So she might be referring me to a psychiatrist for further evaluation/treatment. Well, I guess the good side is, when I say I'm crazy, I ain't lying, right?
So since my appointment I have been exhausted. Oh yeah, did I mention it took 1/2 a xanax just to get me through the appointment? Yeah, it did. So here I am with two high-energy, cabin-fever feeling kids who want me to entertain them like rightnow (those words fused together for added emphasis). Yay me! Though they have been able to entertain themselves pretty well this afternoon...and believe me, mommy says thank you! The Boy has a serious thing for Thomas the Tank Engine and actually seems to be passing a bit of that to The Girl. They've been playing trains for hours. And here I am, blogging. I need to seriously re-evaluate my relaxation techniques ;-)
Sadly, even with the xanax, I can't shake worries. Worries about school starting and how things will go for The Boy. Hoping his teacher is better than the ass clown he had last year (that's another post!). Worried about money...My hubby is finally getting back to pre-tsunami hours (his company makes parts for Honda), so bank account is looking a bit better, but with all these medical things going on...ching, ching, ching. The Girl takes dance (been dancing for 6 years) and last night was registration time. It's $99 for membership, then $57/month for dance. Oh, then there's $50 for new jazz and ballet shoes, and $16 for new leotard. Haven't even got new tights yet. But, I'd seriously have a bake sale, lemonade stand, you name it, so that girl could dance. It's not that competitive shit like on that crazy show Dance Moms, she just loves doing it. It's her outlet. I wouldn't let anything keep her from having it.
The money kept right on shooting out today for doctor appointment ($20) and medications ($23). The Boy just started on zoloft for his anxiety, but thankfully that's covered 100% by insurance and medicaid. I think we're done with the massive money spending - for now. We've widdled down our savings, though, and that makes me nervous. I like having a "plan B", ya know?
All things considered though, I feel good. Not euphoric, not fantastic, but good. Just trying to float along with the tide..now if I only had a floating lounger and a drink with an umbrella in it...
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